At some point in the preferably near future, I would like for my foot to be fixed. I don’t think I’m asking too much.
Let’s quickly review the bullshit
~6 years ago: I noticed a “knot” in the arch of my foot. It didn’t go away despite all kinds of massages
~5 years ago: I ask my foot doctor about it. He tells me I have plantar fibromatosis. At the time it’s not really hurting, it’s just mostly a nuisance.
~4 years ago: I decide (jokingly) that I have a foot tumor. I name it Marla, after Fight Club.
~2ish years ago: Marla begins to cause some intense pain. It’s not horrible and mostly comes and goes with exercise/walking a lot. Being cheap, I decide to just deal with it.
This past year:
-The pain became unbearable after excessive walking or exercise
-I started getting charlie horse style cramps consuming my arch and toes
-Pain is now the norm so I suck it up and get a referral to a podiatrist (yes, I chose the HMO)
-Podiatrist tells me it’s plantar fascitis. He sends me for custom orthotics and physical therapy
-Physical therapists turn out to be sadists and I believe it is their mission to torture me. I had two of them over the course of 6 sessions and both told me they think I have a stress fracture in my foot. If the pain continues, go back for an x-ray. In the meantime, keep doing the stretches.
And now we’re at the present.
I was in a wedding on Saturday (post to follow soon!) and knew running around, especially in heels, would be taxing on Marla. I vowed to just get through it and then call the doctor the following week to schedule a routine x-ray. I called the doctor yesterday and somehow was able to get in the same day. Score!
Ok the doctor looked at my foot. Poked on THE spot, aka the CORE of Marla. Yeah, he made me cry. I have a high pain tolerance, but I can only handle so much. This shit HURT. The doctor seemed to get mad almost (at the physical therapist i assume), as he informed me that there is no way I could have a stress fracture – there isn’t a bone there! So he took out a surgical marker and a yellow highlighter and started drawing on me. Why? To highlight the nerves. Apparently there were TWO things going on in my foot: plantar fascitis, and whatever the fuck this is.
Now the that plantar fascitis is under control and that portion of my foot isn’t swollen, the remainder of the problem is much more obvious. I was told an x-ray would be useless; I needed an MRI. Something about the nerve being constricted like with Carpal Tunnel. I honestly have no idea what the man was talking about, but after some intense googling, I found Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome. I think that’s what he’s talking about.
Whatever I have is rare (go me). However, in 75% of cases it can be fixed with some sort of injection. Again, no clue what’s happening. If the nerve is too shut out, as in a quarter of the cases, surgery is required. Well let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I went for my MRI.
After waiting several hours (better to wait there for a while than to go all the way home just to come all the way back another day!), I got in the tube. This thing took like 45+ minutes. In the end I was given a stack of pages full of images. Of course I went home and tried to decipher them. Too bad I’m not a radiologist and have NO idea wtf I’m looking at. I did clearly notice Marla. She looks like a white hunk of gum on the image. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be there, but it was kinda cool looking.
Then I got to work this morning. As I’m walking in, my cell rings. Unknown number. Weird. Hello? Oh it’s the hospital. My doctor has requested further imaging based on yesterday’s results.
WTF?!
So apparently I also need to get an MRI with contrast. I’m scheduled for this afternoon. They wouldn’t tell me what’s going on. I’m kind of worried.
So to summarize, I have been given like 4 potential diagnoses over the past like 5 years, who knows how many were correct. It is still unknown what the fuck is wrong with me, and I have to go get radioactive shit pumped into me tonight. On the bright side, I feel like I’m closer to finding a real answer. Heck, I might even glow in the dark!
