My dad just sent me an email forward. Usually they’re pretty lame but this one is pretty freakin funny. Enjoy!
Excerpts from a dog’s diary:
8:00am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a cat’s diary:
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling object. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now………
