Fears Posts

13Apr
1

Marla Saga, Continued

At some point in the preferably near future, I would like for my foot to be fixed. I don’t think I’m asking too much.

Let’s quickly review the bullshit

~6 years ago: I noticed a “knot” in the arch of my foot. It didn’t go away despite all kinds of massages

~5 years ago: I ask my foot doctor about it. He tells me I have plantar fibromatosis. At the time it’s not really hurting, it’s just mostly a nuisance.

~4 years ago: I decide (jokingly) that I have a foot tumor. I name it Marla, after Fight Club.

~2ish years ago: Marla begins to cause some intense pain. It’s not horrible and mostly comes and goes with exercise/walking a lot. Being cheap, I decide to just deal with it.

This past year:

-The pain became unbearable after excessive walking or exercise
-I started getting charlie horse style cramps consuming my arch and toes
-Pain is now the norm so I suck it up and get a referral to a podiatrist (yes, I chose the HMO)
-Podiatrist tells me it’s plantar fascitis. He sends me for custom orthotics and physical therapy
-Physical therapists turn out to be sadists and I believe it is their mission to torture me. I had two of them over the course of 6 sessions and both told me they think I have a stress fracture in my foot. If the pain continues, go back for an x-ray. In the meantime, keep doing the stretches.

And now we’re at the present.

I was in a wedding on Saturday (post to follow soon!) and knew running around, especially in heels, would be taxing on Marla. I vowed to just get through it and then call the doctor the following week to schedule a routine x-ray. I called the doctor yesterday and somehow was able to get in the same day. Score!

Ok the doctor looked at my foot. Poked on THE spot, aka the CORE of Marla. Yeah, he made me cry. (more…)

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Rants and raves
04Apr
3

Disaster

It’s official. I’m flipping out.

I ordered my bridesmaid dress about 2 months ago. I hadn’t lost all the weight I had wanted to, but I was pretty OK with how things were looking. I got measured and prepared myself for the size they would tell me to buy. After all, bridal runs super small so you feel like a heffer when they order your dress.

They told me I matched with the 12. Fine. Order it. It’s just a number. It arrived 3 weeks ago, and wouldn’t you know it, this shit is too big. Strapless + I should have ordered a 10 = wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. The dress didn’t even stay up.

I brought it to a tailor to get it taken in 10 days ago. It was supposed to be ready a week later. I drove all the way up there, and wouldn’t you know it, that shit isn’t ready. I couldn’t get back up there Friday, so I went yesterday. I tried on the dress at my parents, and my mom and her friend liked it.

I don’t.

The seamstress took it in on the sides, and took it in at the top of the back. I made her take it in tight. Strapless freaks me out. I don’t want to be pulling the dress up all night, so seriously sew it up! The thing I didn’t realize at the time, was that she didn’t take anything out from the middle of the back/bottom of the zipper area. So basically the dress is more or less a size smaller in all areas EXCEPT the back. It sticks out, kinda flares out to the back. It does that in the front too, cuz it’s supposed to I think? Either way, I look as wide back-to-front as I do side-to-side. I can’t handle this.

I tried it on just now to show J and get his opinion. So yesterday the top fit well. Today my fat ass skin hangs over the top of the dress. The way that skin inevitibly does over a strapless top unless you’re a pre-pubescent girl. I definitely gained a couple of pounds in the last 10 days, and now I’m apparently too fat for my dress. Oh and the parts that do fit? Yeah that makes me look and additional 20 pounds heavier. AWESOME.

I’m flipping out. There is NO way I can be seen in public as this currently stands. I’m driving up to the tailor at 7am and making her take more off the back. I’m limiting my food to I don’t even know what. Fruits, veggies, yogurt and water? Maybe nonfat salami or milk for protein. Count on me to be in the gym at least once daily between now and Saturday. 5 pounds need to GO. I’d settle for 3. Today has NOT been a happy day in the life of Caro.

Posted by Caro in Fears, Life, Things to do, Weddings
15Mar
2

Trial and Error

I got my annual vision check up earlier this year, and was pretty surprised when they told me my horrendous prescription hadn’t changed. Really? Cuz I was certain you were gonna up the size of the coke-bottle lenses I wear. I don’t see that well!!

I finally decided this wasn’t right and I needed to get my full money’s worth. I went back to the “low vision specialist” and told her I can’t see. I’m sure that’s not a new thing for her! I was able to get in that same day even. Amazing! Rather than just rushing me out the door or telling me I’m fine (or worse yet, “good enough” – I hate when people say that!), she actually took quite a long time trying to fix the problem. Everything from giving me a fresh pair of lenses, to examining the fit in my eye, and even re-doing the assessment (“which is better – 1 or 2? ok how about 3 or 4? lol).

Down side: my left eye isn’t cooperating and at the present moment cannot be fixed to better than 20/30. OK I cried about this at home, but that’s a different issue altogether. The right eye has issues too. Specifically, I have an astigmatism. I have one in both eyes, and they correct the other one. They’ve never corrected the right one before. Here’s the deal: the astigmatism is slight. The lowest amount of correction is too much. But if they give me no astigmatism correction, it’s not enough. So which is the worse evil: contacts that are too powerful or contacts that are not quite powerful enough?

I’m finding out this week. I picked up new lenses this morning. She gave me two lenses to try. So now I have choice A) the old lens; choice B) Toric lens 1; and choice C) Toric lens 2.

I’m wearing option B today and it’s kinda strange. (more…)

Posted by Caro in Discoveries, Fears, Health, Life, Things to do
11Mar
1

OK I’m Awake!

Because I work such long hours, I’m forced to schedule my physical therapy sessions at like the crack of dawn. It minimizes the amount of time I have to take off from work. The main problem with this, aside from the fact that my sessions sometimes start a full HOUR before I’m used to starting work, is that I have to drive about 20  miles to get there. 20 miles + rush hour traffic = about a 45 minute drive. So I leave my house anywhere from an hour to almost 2 hours earlier than I “should” on physical therapy mornings. Needless to say, I’m pretty tired – tired like I was during the Olympics. Exhausted really.

After waking up at the crack of dawn yesterday and sort of zombie-ing through my morning, I decided that I MUST get to bed early last night. Yet despite my best efforts, I didn’t make it to my bed until around 11. Alarm starts chirping just a few short hours later, and I’m NOT a happy camper. I think I snoozed for like 35 minutes before finally giving in to the little voice in my head telling me I need to get up, leave my warm bed, and face the day. Ugh. Fine.

Again, eyes don’t wanna open. It’s cold. I don’t wanna leave my house. So I throw on some jeans (and not exactly my nicest pair either lol), running shoes (the physical therapist wants to check them out), a shirt, and a sweatshirt. It’s not the nicest of outfits, but it works OK for work, and it’s comfy. I then quickly throw my hair up in a pile on top of my head, and really it’s not too polished looking, but I simply couldn’t care less at this point. Obviously I’m also wearing my glasses. Let’s be honest – if my eyes don’t even want to open, jamming contacts into them just isn’t a choice. I figured I’ll just clean up a bit after physical therapy when I’m more awake.

Thankfully I made a pot of coffee this morning. A strong pot of coffee. Started chugging that before I even got into my car lol. It was kinda sorta maybe kicking in a little bit the more I drank. I’m about halfway to PT at this point, and starting to feel a little better. Got some good music playing…it might end up being a good morning after all.

Then the morning gets interesting.

About 3 cars in front of me I see this truck kinda sway/drift over to the right. He compensates my cutting to the left. Only he over compensates. Big time over compensates – dude spins out. So I see a spinning truck, hella cars slamming on brakes, people swerving in all kinds of directions (think parting of the red sea but with vehicles), the car in front of me (also slamming on brakes, clearly) is quickly approaching. FOOT ON BRAKE ON FLOOR…PLEASE LET ME STOP! Check the rearview mirror, yep car behind me is quickly approaching, fuck I’m about to get sandwiched here. FUCK PLEASE STOP CAR.FUCK FUCK FUCK. I’m gonna hit this SUV. Goddamnit I was JUST in a sandwich accident, please don’t let this happen AGAIN.

(more…)

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Life, Random
09Mar
1

BRUTAL-ly Honest

I had physical therapy today. My usual physical therapist was sick so I got a substitute today. A brutally honest one. I guess I should talk about physical therapy in general since I haven’t done that yet.

About a week and a half ago I went in for my consult and evaluation. It was kinda odd, but based on past physical therapy sessions for other problems, I was expecting odd. She needed to observe and measure all kinds of things related to my foot, so I took off both shoes and socks. She looked at my feet while I just stood there. She had me raise up to my toes while standing on both feet. She had me stand on one foot at a time so she could look at something else. Then she made me walk up and back the room so she could see stuff when I walked. Then I laid down.

Here’s where it got really sad: she measured my calf/Achilles flexibility. When you’re laying back and you pull your toes up to a 90 degree angle (toes to the sky), that 90 degree angle is considered “0″. Pull your toes in toward your shin more, and every degree beyond 90 is +1. So you want the 80 degree angle: +10 on their scale. Ok so when I first got measured a week and a half ago, I was at -5. MINUS 5. So that’s 15 degrees of flexibility that I’m lacking. OK people, it turns out this isn’t bad; it’s ABYSMAL. Apparently the average elderly person has more flexibility in their calf/Achilles. Heck even my “good” foot is only at a +5. OK fine, my ankle and calf aren’t flexible. Whatever — fix me!!

(more…)

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Life, Rants and raves, Things to do
26Feb
0

Aerials

So… aerials are crazy.

Skier starts down this skinny little trail.

Arms up.

Silence/Awe.

Then a coach breaking the silence by yelling “STRETCH” or “LOOK DOWN THE HILL”.

They land.

People scream.

This sport is absolutely amazing.

Posted by Caro in Fears, Random, Sports, TV
02Feb
3

Marla

I’m not even sure where to start with this. I guess I could start just by simply stating that I hate Marla. Passionately.

You might be wondering who the F this Marla person is. Well she’s not a person; she’s a part of my foot.

(more…)

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Random, Things to do
02Feb
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Posted by Caro in Baby, Family, Fears, Health, Random
20Jan
0

Keloids Can Kiss My Ass

I work in research. Every now and again, I try to “give back” to my research community. Mostly these are selfish endeavors, in that I do one study over another because I get paid. Well last week a paid research opportunity presented itself to me, so I jumped on it.

It was an MRI study. Get paid like $50 to get a 30 min MRI done. Sounds easy enough right? Well the problem with this is that you can’t bring metal into the MRI room. If you have a metal object, like say a piercing, lodged somewhere in you, it will certainly be ripped out. Painfully and traumatically. I knew this going into it, but figured I’d be fine.

I’ve had my cartilage pierced for like 9 years. Not a single problem with it. It should also be noted that I have never once attempted to remove it. I’m not even sure how to remove it.

(more…)

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Life, Money, Random, Things to do
20Dec
2

Swine

I went to the drug store today to pick up a refill of one of my prescriptions. I get that it’s a pharmacy so I’m likely to encounter the occasional sicky while I’m there. That’s fine.

What I have a problem with is this:

I walk into the store today and I see a kid, maybe 9 years old. He’s got a SARS mask on. OK, you’re sick and you’ve got a mask on. Good. He’s got this horrible sounding hack, so I’m actually pretty thankful that he’s got this mask on. I decided to pick up a card and some earplugs before making my way over to pick up my meds. While I’m wandering around the store, I see this kid again and again. I realized later that while his parents were in line at the pharmacy, they were letting this kid wander around the store, unsupervised. His shirt is soaked, so I assume this kid has an active fever. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this kid looks to have symptomatic H1N1. Definitely contagious. It would be one thing if he was standing with his parents, keeping his mask on, not touching anything. But this kid is wandering the store, picking up toys, touching all kinds of stuff, and the last time that I saw him, he had pulled his mask down around his neck and was only half coughing into it.

FUCK.

Granted I got my H1N1 vaccine over 10 days ago (the amount of time it takes to fully take effect) so I’m 99.9% sure I’m not going to catch this thing, but I guarantee that there are other people in this store who have not gotten their H1N1 shot. When you have a contagious disease and you don’t need to be out in public, stay the fuck away from people. Or at least keep your sick kid in the car if you have to bring him with you.

What is wrong with people?

Posted by Caro in Fears, Health, Rants and raves
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