The people aren’t that interesting, and they seem to be producing mediocre food. I feel that as a way to “spice” things up the show’s producers are focusing on the so-called drama between the chefs. It’s like this thing between Angelo and Kenny is 100% made up. (Today for example the challenge is to pick off one of the competitors, and these two just so happen to be on opposite teams. Gee.)

It all just seems so contrived this season, which makes it less enjoyable. I really like watching them cook and get feedback. That’s interesting enough. If I want to watch stupid drama I’ll put on Real Housewives or something. Take the bs out of my show and let’s go back to some great cooking!

1. An air-popper popcorn maker. I had one of these growing up and I love it. Such good memories of making popcorn and sitting down as a family to watch a movie.

2 & 3. A pitcher and tray so I could serve drinks. You know, for those days that I might decide to BBQ Seriously, I really enjoy this All-Purpose Pitcher from Crate & Barrel. Simple, tasteful, and gets the job done.

And maybe this Bamboo Serving Tray. It strikes me as very “summer”

4. I like having people over for wine and game nights. Really who doesn’t? But then you end up with the inevitable “is this my drink or yours?” dilemma. A simple solution: Cute little wine charms!! These lantern ones from Crate & Barrel are really cute! Although, I would (obviously) enjoy a set of penguins. Or even a set that has ONE penguin charm. If someone finds this they will be my new best friend. Seriously.

5. A Mortar and Pestle. I make awesome guacamole. It’s delicious but let’s be honest: it’s a pain in the ass to make. I strongly feel that one of these gadgets would significant improve my life.

6. Cheese spreaders. Going back to the wine and games night, obviously there will be cheese at this event

7. Last but not least, a fancy wine opener. No, I don’t NEED this. But it would be awesome to have!!

I’m not going to lie. I had a lot of preconceptions about Texas. And given that I was in Austin (which I understand is not in anyway representative of the rest of the state of which it is a part), just about none of those were accurate. Did I see cowboys? Maybe one. Did people have GIGANTIC belt buckles? Nope. I didn’t see a single one! Was everyone packing heat? Not as far as I could tell.

In a way, this disappoints me. I mean I kind of wanted to see all these things. But at the same time, I felt pretty safe (vs. fearful of getting shot for making some hippy-liberal remark) and actually really enjoyed Austin. Minus the weather of course. Sweet Jesus, that heat + humidity was like a punch to the face every time you walked outside!! (97 degrees + 80% humidity!)

Here’s the summary/highlights:

Friday:

• We got in around 9. I was wearing capris and a short sleeved shirt, thinking this would be suitable for night time. False. I wanted to be in a bathing suit running through sprinklers.
• Our group of 9 somehow ended up at three separate hotels, each a solid half a mile+ from each other. We headed straight to one of them when we got in. I met Grant’s new girlfriend, and was expecting to see Danny and Sabrina’s new (6 month) kid, but I guess he was tired and cranky so Sabrina took him back to her hotel. Sad.
• We walked for what seemed like forever and got some food. Apparently there’s a lot of bats in Austin. We saw a few under a bridge on our way to the restaurant.
• It was J’s birthday so we hit up 6th Street for some drinks and shuffleboard. 6th Street is apparently like Bourbon Street – no cars allowed for several blocks, and just a long row of bars and drunk people. It was pretty cool!!
• Apparently you can get into a bar in Austin with a photocopied ID. That’s totally legit right? lol

Saturday:

• Got up ridiculously early and headed to Danny & Sabrina’s hotel. We got to meet their son, who is SO CUTE – little chunky monkey! Spent about an hour there before meeting up with the others.
• Grant brought his boat, so we headed to Lake Austin for some wakeboarding and swimming.
• Sabrina wasn’t comfortable bringing the baby on the boat, and I’m not sure what happened after that, but the three of them ended up driving back to Corpus Christi. Seriously? I was both upset and sad when I realized what had happened (seriously, I wouldn’t have gone to Texas if they weren’t going to be part of the weekend)
• J attempted to wakeboard for the first time. He made a noble attempt, but didn’t really ever get up.
• J and I shared a Hu-La-La at the Hula Hut off the lake. It was 2 kinds of Bacardi + fruit juice served in a fish bowl. DELICIOUS! We then shared a Texas style FEAST.
• Hit up the hot tub after we got home. J toweled off, and realized his stomach was red and in pain. He cried out “OMG I think I’m allergic to this towel!” Upon further inspection I had to explain to him that, actually, he was just sunburned. Yeah, he forgot to put sunscreen on his front. I applied sunscreen like 12 times. How do you forget that substantial of a section of your body?! lol yeah he’s magenta. It’s hilarious
• Headed to a couple of lounges, which were fun, but I was tired. Headed back around 1. (Several of the lounges played music straight from the 90s. What’s up with that?? I thought Austin was the homeland for new music? At least the last place we went was awesome. Like seriously the best place I’ve been to in a long time. I’ll have to find out the name of it so I can properly review it, but dude, this place had free skeeball!! And pacman! What not to love? Also, they had a Chuck Norris painting on the wall. Don’t mess with Texas!)

Sunday:

• Tired Caro and hungover everyone else decided to sleep in. Then we headed to Uncle Billy’s Brew&Que for some Texas style BBQ. Why I didn’t take a picture of my food is beyond me, but it was AMAZING. I got ribs with a side of glazed carrots and a side of mac n cheese. A great meal experience.
• It was father’s day. I had to get a gift for my dad, and he wanted something from Texas. Too bad we were scrambling to make our flight!! Thankfully my dad is the easiest person EVER to shop for, so I spent about 5 min in the gift shop and found some treasures: jalapeno hot sauce, ‘ass-kickin’ raspberry jalapeno jelly, hot beef jerkey, a ‘Don’t mess with Texas’ mug, and of course a shirt. Sadly they had no belt buckles, but I think my mom was really happy about that (she begged me not to get him one lol).

All in all a great weekend, and I’m the slightest bit tan to boot!

a fishbowl of liquor for two

Don't Mess With Texas

random sign at a parking lot

Now before I lay this all on him, I need to take some of the credit. I had been working to get in shape, drop a few pounds, and tone up a bit before Rhianna’s and Jessica’s weddings. Did I succeed? No. Not really. And this was my own damn fault, because I skimped on the gym about 1/3 times that I should have gone, I ate a TON of chocolate (please refer to the title of this blog – that’s my life motto, which unfortunately allows me to eat any and all things chocolate), and with stress comes less than stellar willpower to snack on salads and fruits and veggies instead of chips and cookies.

But while I’m not overjoyed with where I ended up, I’m OK with it. Because I did lose a few pounds, I am in way better shape (yay being able to run for longer than 2 minutes at a time!), and I see the slightest bit of definition in my muscles. Score.

So why this angry blog you ask?

Because I had reached a happy equilibrium where I was eating the foods that I wanted to in moderation (aka no deprivation!) and working out somewhat regularly, and not gaining or losing weight. A nice happy balance between food, exercise, and my clothes fitting nicely. Again, score!

And then my boss ruined things. With bagels.

The man eats two bagels every morning. Two. Gigantic. Bagels. Toasted, with cream cheese. We share tight quarters – if I were to stick my arm all the way out to my right, I could probably touch him. So yeah, I smell them, and boy do they smell delicious!

So I’ve started indulging in bagels. It started as once every week or two, then once a week, and now I’m eating one – in addition to breakfast and lunch – every morning at work. The bagels in the cafeteria are gigantic so of course they require 2 little packets of delicious cream cheese. So if I were to start tracking POINTS! with Weight Watchers again, I would be fucked. Because this bagel + 2 cream cheese is at least 10 points, and I only get 19 per day.

My clothes are getting tight. As previously noted, I can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe. Back to the gym I go. And for the love of god, if you see me eating a bagel slap it out of my hand!

Product highlights include:

• Each capsule has 200mg of caffeine and dishes it out in steady doses throughout an 8 hour period
• Vegetarian capsule! (Super important – can’t cut out an entire demographic of potential customer! lol)
• Pure, unprocessed (non-synthetic) caffeine from Colombian Green Coffee Beans (unprocessed and direct into your capsule?)
• Special coating to reduce the potential of an upset stomach (none of those pesky ulcers coffee can give you LOL)

Next thing you know there will be an injectable version of this product. Injectable caffeine: the gateway drug to heroine. Purchase yours here for only $8.99 (box of 12)!

I went to the coffee cart today. Ordered an average-tasting mocha from the barista, then moved to the cash register to pay. Asked for a bagel and cream cheese to go with my drink. OK the bagels are very clearly on TOP of the pastry case. This guy goes into the pastry case and fishes around, then pulls out a croissant. “This? It’s our last one.”

No dude. I asked for a bagel. Here let me grab one for you. Cream cheese please? He grabs me a bag. Just a bag. WTF am I supposed to do with that? I guess it’s white – the same color as what I was asking for? Anyway whatever. I somehow conveyed my need for cheese of the creamed variety. Total: $5.41.

I have a lot of change and I certainly don’t want more. I hand the guy a $20, then pull out 2 quarters and a penny. Paying $20.51 should give me $15.10 in change.

This guy was not understanding. I handed him my money and he told me I needed to give him “9 more cents. No wait 10.” Why would I give you ten MORE cents? He grabbed 10 cents from the “take a penny” jar. Then handed me an even $15 in change.

I was going to start explaining to him that he needs to check his math, or better yet, enter the amount I gave him into the register rather than trying to calculate this all in his head, but my coworker was waiting on me so I let it go.

Seriously, maybe you’re hard of hearing and have trouble with an order. Fine. But not being able to make change? Don’t work at the fucking cash register dude.

This kind of incompetence seriously bothers me.

/end rant

donilla

kooky monster

donut fries

These are donuts. OMG I want one. Or 10. I need to check this place out pronto!

There was a milk chocolate Hershey’s bar and a Red Fire bar. Seriously? Who brings that kind of stuff to work?

Just as soon as I could question this choice of chocolate, the department manager (a wonderfully entertaining man) pops his head out of his office and says something about chocolate and bacon. I told him I’ve heard of this but never tried it.

This dude goes back in his office for a second and re-emerges with a package of Mo’s Dark Chocolate Bacon Bar. Ok NOW we’re talking. Bacon? Yes please. Dark chocolate? Obviously.

It’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten, but it was pretty good. I didn’t rub the chocolate the way the website suggests, which is probably why I didn’t get the “aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep chocolate”. In fact, there is only a hint of bacon to be tasted. But whatever, I’d eat it again. Not for $7.50, but if someone offered me a square I’d take it!

Anyway, wedding. This was my very first experience being a bridesmaid. There’s quite a lot of work that goes into this title, and being one of only two made it an even bigger job. Can I just add that I packed a checked-luggage sized suitcase for the weekend? And that it was primarily filled with toiletries? LOL

So Friday was the rehearsal and dinner. It was the first I had seen of the venue, which was gorgeous. Although not in bloom yet, I’m sure the pictures turned out amazing! Rather than do a traditional rehearsal dinner, the bride and groom decided to book some lanes at a bowling alley so we could have some fun. I liked the idea, but let’s be honest – bowling = broken nails. That’s a bad situation. Also, since I’m crazy and work 3 jobs, I would have had to get my nails done on Monday and pray that they didn’t get messed up during the week. I wasn’t about to take my chances with that, so I got my nails done during the bowling and missed most of it. Oh well.

The groom’s parents got an amazing suite at a nearby hotel and stocked the kitchen with food and drink. While we worked on the last few things for the next day, we got to enjoy some delicious treats and a little champagne I’m definitely taking notes for my own wedding (which won’t happen for decades I’m sure), and this is getting added to the list: a suite with 2 bedrooms. When all is said and done let’s be honest: we all need space to get ready and a regular room isn’t enough. This had a total of 3 full bathrooms. Brilliant!

So Saturday morning I got up early for hair. The grooms cousin is a cosmotologist and did all 3 of our hair and makeup. I was concerned that mine wouldn’t hold up from 10am when I got it done until whenever the wedding was over, but I guess I underestimated the power of hairspray. I LOVE how it turned out (pics of that will definitely be posted). And then we headed to the venue and it all happened!

I love outdoor weddings, but dude – it was COLD! Also, it was about to start raining. The officiant they chose was wonderful. He kept the ceremony short and sweet (side note: the bride told me they were having a short ceremony. She assured me it would be “nice and short, about 45 minutes” LOL short does not = 45 min). The officiant read a story that each of them had written, which was awesome. Note for my own wedding: I like this idea much more than personalized vows. Good choice. Then it was time to break the glass. The officiant instructed people that when the glass breaks we were supposed to shout out something congratulatory, like “mazel tov” or “l’chaim” or “congratulations if that’s more up your alley”. This was my favorite part of the ceremony. The bride’s family is not Jewish and I think being from such a small town in the middle of nowhere they don’t have much exposure to Jewish people. So when the glass broke, half the crowd shouted something in Hebrew, and the other half yelled out “congrats” or “good luck”. The mishmash of words made me laugh.

After a TON of pictures in the freezing cold, we got to head indoors for some amazingly delicious food. They had a buffet, which I’m stealing for my own wedding. One perk of being in the bridal party was that we got to eat first. Score! The DJ was pretty awesome too. We did the Hora, also known as the thing where you lift the bride and groom up on chairs and spin them around. I thought for sure they were going to get dropped, especially since half of the “muscle” were gamers from World of Warcraft. It was amusing.

All in all, an a wonderful event. I passed out hard afterwards. Loooooong day + a couple of drinks = a very very tired Caro.

Anyway, many congratulations (or mazel tov) to Andrew and Rhianna!!