So I hand the guy at the front desk my tags. He checks the package log, pauses for a second and says, “That’s odd. This package has your apartment number on it, but it’s for the Brooks family.”

What?

So we go to the back and scout it out. Sure enough, there’s a box (well 2 actually) with my apartment number written all over them. These are 2 small, blue boxes, that clearly came in packaging from a company. The company’s logo is all over it. What did I get?

A box of Similac.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Similac, it’s formula. Like the kind infants eat. Did I have a kid a few months ago, order some formula, and suddenly get amnesia about this whole ordeal? I don’t think so?

It gets even stranger. So the second box is addressed to the Brooks family. Who live in a different building than me. But the address has my apartment number on it. And the two boxes have different tracking numbers, so they were clearly shipped separately.

Here’s what happened:

A. As stated above, I had a kid, ordered formula, and forgot. Oops!

B. The Brooks family messed up and put in the wrong apartment #. But that doesn’t explain how the second box had MY name on it.

C. A third party ordered me Similac. Maybe the company sent me samples? I mean, I have been spending a lot of time in Baby Gap – maybe I signed up for some sort of mailing list by accident?

D. Something else?

I have no idea what else could have happened.

This still leaves me 100% confused about the baby formula that came to my house. SO WEIRD!

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Apparently not all lost items are that easily replaced. Take for instance my birth control.

I bought a new pack last Sunday and started taking it that day. For some (stupid) reason, I didn’t put the pack in my medicine cabinet. Instead, I put it back in the box it came in. Then I left this box on the kitchen counter. Monday night rolls around and I go to take the next pill.

But where did it go?

I searched high and low, basically tearing my apartment upside down. Is it in the bathroom in a random drawer? No. In the closet? No. My purse? No. Did I throw the box in the recycling? Nope, it’s not in there. Did I throw it in the trash? Wait…we took the trash out last night. Oh SHIT. It must have been in the trash bag, which was thrown down the trash chute. The one that leads to the trash compactor. FUCK.

Tuesday morning I called up the pharmacy.

“Hi. I need to re-order my birth control”
“This was just refilled 2 days ago.”
“I know. I lost it. I need a new one”
“Your insurance isn’t going to cover that since you just bought one 2 days ago”
“OK fine. I just need more. How much is this going to set me back?”
“$85″
“What if I buy the generic?”
“$65″

FUCK.

So now I have a situation on my hands. These are the only options I can think of:

A) Suck it up and spend $85
B) Pay $65 and get the generic, which is less money wasted, but there’s a chance my body could get messed up. At least I’ll be protected from the pregnancy virus.
C) Go off the pill for a month and use a different method. Saves some money, but will definitely mess with my body.
D) Take this as a sign from God that I should have a child.

I went with A, and J went halvsies with me. So only $42.50 down the trash chute.

So fast forward 2 weeks. Before I continue this story, it should be noted that I keep the inside of my car tidy. Not in the sense that it’s Mr. Clean clean, but more in the sense that I don’t store stuff in my car. Like my trunk is almost always empty, I don’t have random papers or garbage or any stuff floating around the inside of the car. Like I said – tidy.

So yesterday J and I were going somewhere, and I drove. It was quite an anomaly that there was something on the passenger seat, as well as the floor of the passenger side. I had J move all that stuff so he could sit in the car comfortably. Then while stopped at a light I got curious. What was in that Target bag that was on my passenger seat? I made Jeremy open it. Contents of the bag:

1 pair of tights that I intended to return to Target
1 roll of packing tape (hey I have a steady eBay business! LOL)
1 box of birth control pills, with only one pill missing.

HOLY SHIT. That’s right ladies and gentlemen – THIS is why I don’t keep shit in my car. Because stuff like that costs you $85

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I’m so infatuated with Tom Brady, and while I would be excited for him that he’s starting (well I guess expanding) his family, it would sadden me because it would significantly reduce the chances of a hot passionate night with him. That of course is assuming I could track him down and seduce him in the first place LOL.

Either way, I’m keeping my eye on this story. Say it ain’t so!

Congrats to the proud parents, Kelsey and Josh!!!

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