I’m laying here on my loveseat, enjoying the Netherlands vs. Slovakia game (despite already knowing the outcome) pumping myself up to crank out some posts. I slept funny on my neck 2 nights ago and it hurts. Not just a little. The pain randomly radiates down my shoulder blade. So I’m propped up with pillows, a heating pad, and a glass of wine (alcohol: the oldest analgesic known to man. Or something. lol)
Let’s see how many I can do 
Today I was a victim of this method of torture.
I was scheduled for a pelvic ultra-sound to rule out a cyst. Apparently this requires that you drink 4 glasses of water before the exam. FOUR.
I was pretty thirsty when I woke up this morning, so the first 2 weren’t bad. But let me tell you, that fourth glass was pretty torturous!!
On the bright side, this is kick-starting my pre-hydration for Texas this weekend. Unless I pee it all out in the next hour.
My new boss has RUINED my diet.
Now before I lay this all on him, I need to take some of the credit. I had been working to get in shape, drop a few pounds, and tone up a bit before Rhianna’s and Jessica’s weddings. Did I succeed? No. Not really. And this was my own damn fault, because I skimped on the gym about 1/3 times that I should have gone, I ate a TON of chocolate (please refer to the title of this blog – that’s my life motto, which unfortunately allows me to eat any and all things chocolate), and with stress comes less than stellar willpower to snack on salads and fruits and veggies instead of chips and cookies.
But while I’m not overjoyed with where I ended up, I’m OK with it. Because I did lose a few pounds, I am in way better shape (yay being able to run for longer than 2 minutes at a time!), and I see the slightest bit of definition in my muscles. Score.
So why this angry blog you ask?
Because I had reached a happy equilibrium where I was eating the foods that I wanted to in moderation (aka no deprivation!) and working out somewhat regularly, and not gaining or losing weight. A nice happy balance between food, exercise, and my clothes fitting nicely. Again, score!
And then my boss ruined things. With bagels.
The man eats two bagels every morning. Two. Gigantic. Bagels. Toasted, with cream cheese. We share tight quarters – if I were to stick my arm all the way out to my right, I could probably touch him. So yeah, I smell them, and boy do they smell delicious!
So I’ve started indulging in bagels. It started as once every week or two, then once a week, and now I’m eating one – in addition to breakfast and lunch – every morning at work. The bagels in the cafeteria are gigantic so of course they require 2 little packets of delicious cream cheese. So if I were to start tracking POINTS! with Weight Watchers again, I would be fucked. Because this bagel + 2 cream cheese is at least 10 points, and I only get 19 per day.
My clothes are getting tight. As previously noted, I can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe. Back to the gym I go. And for the love of god, if you see me eating a bagel slap it out of my hand!
My sister has a VERY bad track record when it comes to hear health and well-being. She’s broken several bones in some seriously freak incidents, had a couple of surgeries (see previous point), and gets these weird mystery illnesses. She also is a klutz. So much so that our uncle made up a name for her – Katrinka – because that sounded like the name of someone who would fall a lot. (I would like to pause this post for a second to express complete shock and amusement that my spell-check actually likes the word “Katrinka”. wtf). Basically, when there is a minuscule chance something can go wrong, it does.
In keeping with this theme, she has recently had a minor surgery to remove an ovarian cyst that just wasn’t going away. Just a couple of weeks later this girl texts because she’s broken out in hives on her chest. OK? What do you want me to do about it? Texts keep pouring in. “Hives are moving up my chest and down my stomach.” “It’s on my neck now.” “I can’t breath and I’m freaking out.” Finally, “I’m going to the ER.”
So she goes. With a 4 year old.
After shots of adrenaline, benadryl, and steroids, I get a text complaining about the needles. Then another one, “My blood pressure is 72/40. Is that bad?” LOL yes, yes it is. Good thing you’re at the hospital.
So they release her, now armed with Prednisone, Benadryl, and an EpiPen. Next day she heads to the doctor for labs so she can find out what in the hell she is apparently very allergic to. Today the labs came back and I got this text:
My doctors called. My lab work came back negative & they’re like ‘so that’s good’. How is that good? We are no closer to finding out what I’m allergic to. And they’re like ‘u have to make an appt in August so until then keep a lot of Benadryl on you’. Ummmmm …? FAIL doctors office! LOL
And this is why I love my sister. Because her body hates her and even though none of the doctors can figure out why, she is able to laugh about it and entertain other people with her misfortunes.
This will be a multi-part post.
1. I wear contact lenses. I <3 the concept cuz I’m blind and contacts simplify my life. This point isn’t news. Moving on…
2. I previously wore Proclear contacts in one eye and Proclear Toric in the other. They were really all I knew, so I appreciated them without question. Then this year I went in for my eye exam and ordered a 6-month supply of contacts. Thing is, I was convinced they had my prescription wrong. After a couple of weeks I decided to get my prescription checked. Long story short, I ended up with a variety of contacts in a variety of strengths from a variety of manufacturers. I almost re-ordered the Proclears, Toric in both eyes this time. Then I decided to milk the free samples a little longer and requested an “extra moist” lens.
BEST IDEA EVER. I got these Biofinity Toric lenses and they’re a godsend. As expected, I see well. I also don’t have to worry about them drying out after like 3 hours. Sorry Bausch & Lomb, but I won’t be buying as many bottles of eye drops per year. I hope you’ll live!
OK this is turning into an infomercial for Biofinity. I’ll stop now, but I just had to throw it out there to anyone who has contact dryness issues and/or astigmatism!
3. I slacked off on choosing a new lens. As a result, I can’t return the unopened boxes I have of my Proclears. So now I’m stuck with $110 worth of lenses that I’ll never wear. This is sad for my bank account (wah) and brings me to #4…
4. Can I sell contact lenses on ebay?? This is kind of a challenging question. Would anyone actually buy contact lenses on ebay? If so, does said person have an astigmatism AND super shitty vision? We’re talking -7.50 /-0.75×150 (whatever the hell that means). At $60/box retail, I feel like I could make some cash here if someone else has my same special-order prescription.
It all boils down to one simple question: Is this worth my time??
Life comes at you so fast and can take you in so many directions all at once. The past two weeks certainly have been no exception. I feel that all of these things deserve their own post, but I just wanted to give a quick update. My blogging will either speed up or fall off for a while. The last item on this update should provide a pretty good explanation. Anyway, these are the latest headlines:
There’s not really much else to say. It’s 4:45am and I can’t sleep. I can say this: I have the most amazing family and an incredible boyfriend. I know that while I’m crumbling into pieces I am loved and supported. We are a close knit group and this loss has brought us closer. For that I am grateful.
And now back to Boy Meets World. Because that seems to be the only thing on at this hour.
At some point in the preferably near future, I would like for my foot to be fixed. I don’t think I’m asking too much.
Let’s quickly review the bullshit
~6 years ago: I noticed a “knot” in the arch of my foot. It didn’t go away despite all kinds of massages
~5 years ago: I ask my foot doctor about it. He tells me I have plantar fibromatosis. At the time it’s not really hurting, it’s just mostly a nuisance.
~4 years ago: I decide (jokingly) that I have a foot tumor. I name it Marla, after Fight Club.
~2ish years ago: Marla begins to cause some intense pain. It’s not horrible and mostly comes and goes with exercise/walking a lot. Being cheap, I decide to just deal with it.
This past year:
-The pain became unbearable after excessive walking or exercise
-I started getting charlie horse style cramps consuming my arch and toes
-Pain is now the norm so I suck it up and get a referral to a podiatrist (yes, I chose the HMO)
-Podiatrist tells me it’s plantar fascitis. He sends me for custom orthotics and physical therapy
-Physical therapists turn out to be sadists and I believe it is their mission to torture me. I had two of them over the course of 6 sessions and both told me they think I have a stress fracture in my foot. If the pain continues, go back for an x-ray. In the meantime, keep doing the stretches.
And now we’re at the present.
I was in a wedding on Saturday (post to follow soon!) and knew running around, especially in heels, would be taxing on Marla. I vowed to just get through it and then call the doctor the following week to schedule a routine x-ray. I called the doctor yesterday and somehow was able to get in the same day. Score!
Ok the doctor looked at my foot. Poked on THE spot, aka the CORE of Marla. Yeah, he made me cry. (more…)
I had my last physical therapy session today. Thank god, because this was costing me $35 per session. In a previous session, I had a different therapist. She taped my food, and OMG it felt wonderful. I think this was supposed to be something to help me out until my custom orthotic arrived.
Today my physical therapist thought she would be helpful and tape my foot again. Only it was clear she didn’t have the slightest clue what she was doing. I would see her tearing off tape, tearing it in half, then haphazardly sticking it to my foot. In weird ways, not in a coherent pattern like the other chick did. Keep in mind the other woman put absolutely 0 pieces of tape over the top of my foot. It completely covered the bottom, and went up the back of my heel and a tad up the sides of my feet. Yet it felt SOLID.
This is what I ended up with today:
What in the world is going on here? There’s all kinds of asymetrical tape going in all sorts of ways. Whereas the previous taping lasted 36 hours (apparently it’s OK to keep on in the shower!), I had to remove this one about 2 hours after I got it because it was restricting my movement and actually causing additional pain. It took like 15 minutes to take off cuz I didn’t even know where to start. Seriously, WTF?!?
Yeah, that’s exactly how my skin feels at the moment!! Talk about glory, especially when my skin had previously been having some alligator-like dryness issues.
A friend of mine is getting married in less than two weeks, and I have the honor of being a bridesmaid. The story of how I came to be the one responsible for throwing a bachelorette party is not relevant at this time (although it was stressful!), but I’m quite satisfied with the outcome.
My friend decided she wanted a spa day…. at Burke Williams (she had a gift card). Quite expensive to say the least, but in the end it was so worth it. While the other girls decided they all wanted massages, I decided to do something different. After all, J gave me a membership to a different spa for Chrismakkah, and I still have 2 massages left on that! I ended up going with the Parafango Treatment, mostly because the first sentence describes it as “The ultimate moisturizing experience.” Yes please!
“The Devil” of course referring to Ambien.
“It” being oversleep this morning….By almost an hour and a half!!
It’s been a while since I’ve taken these little magical happy sleepy pills, but after a few weeks of increased sleeplessness, I decided it was worth a try to dabble into my prescription once again. I passed out hard. I woke up, a little dazed, knowing immediately something was wrong.
Yep, 8:29am. Checked the alarm just to make sure I had actually set it last night (I’ve been known to do stupid things like not turn it on, or choose PM over AM). Sure enough, it was set to 7:12am, ON.
Ah how I had forgotten the power of the Ambien. Alarm went off and I didn’t even flinch.
2 cups of coffee later, kinda awake. I see why I stopped taking these things. Don’t think I’ll try one again for quite some time!
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