I picked him up from the airport and he was super sweet, like unusually so. He also insisted that we go out to sushi. OK COOL – I love sushi.

We sit down and he’s like “I talked to Alex and realized just how much planning you’re doing for the wedding. So I wanted to take you to dinner to thank you.”

J isn’t slacking off by any means but apparently Alex did like 5 times the work J has so far. He’s so sweet. At dinner he thanked me AND volunteered to step it up. I <3 him so much

One of the songs I “know”: I always thought the song was called, “Smack my Bishop”, a song about masturbation (that could make sense right?). It has recently come to my attention that this song is, in fact, called “Smack my Bitch Up”, a song about domestic assault. My mind has been blown to bits. I mean masturbation is fine, but domestic abuse is never OK. I finally understand what all the controversy was about in the 90s!

*My wedding dress arrived. 2 months early no less. I freaked out, so I started really getting my ass in gear. Gym, better food choices, more water – the whole 9 yards. I finally tried it on a couple of weeks ago and it doesn’t fit. I don’t know what in the hell happened, because I ordered it based on my measurements the day it was ordered. Apparently I gained weight between ordering the dress in September, and picking it up in January. And by gained weight, I mean in excess of the 5 lbs I lost in January. HOW did that happen?

*In related news, I started Jenny Craig, and I’m pretty excited about it. I’m halfway to my goal!! Hopefully by the time I reach this goal I will fit into the dress….

*I also signed up for a spin class. I don’t know if I’ve previously mentioned this or not, but it’s going pretty well. I’ve lost a little momentum due to being ill, but I’m getting better at this class. Have you ever taken a spin class? It’s hard. It looks grueling for a reason: it is. My legs are so strong though, and surprisingly my tummy is getting flatter. It doesn’t seem like a total body workout, but it kind of is. I might sign up for this again. I say might because did I mention how hard it is? Lol

*I’m officially going back to school! I applied to a couple of local programs as a supplement to the education I’ve already completed, and so far one of them likes me. I have an interview at another (albeit expensive) school next week. Really, it’s only a consideration if they’re gonna throw lots of $$ my way. Let’s face it – I’m on a budget and student loans SUCK. It’s really down to the school that has accepted me and a third school that won’t decide for a couple of months. I really hate waiting!

*People keep dying. I think the tally so far is 3. While I wish I could say it’s 3 in my lifetime (laughable!) I really mean three in the last several months. Yes, since creating our wedding guest list, 3 of the people on it are no longer living. At this rate, we will have no one left to share our special day with. Well that’s a lie. At each funeral we think of more people to invite. The take away message here is that I’d be stoked if I didn’t have anyone else close to me or my fiance die for a while. Thank you.

*Related to this, the Fiance decided he has “non-proposal regret” LOL. In his words, “If I had proposed last year all these people could have come.” While my first instinct is to say “I TOLD YOU SO JERK”, that’s just not appropriate. We’re in a better place this year, and we ended up planning our dream wedding. I can’t say that would have happened last year. And who’s to say these people who are missing out aren’t there in spirit? I’ll go with that

That’s all I can think of in terms of updates for now. Maybe I’ll post my “Wedding Planning Updates”. Maybe. That could be a seriously boring post LOL

For some reason, my sister has always had a strange obsession with unicorns. From a young age, she played exclusively with My Little Pony, and had quite a collection of their special unicorn series. And watch out – if she was playing with a unicorn it was best not to mess with her. She’s feisty!

This obsession grew to the point that one night at dinner she seriously scared my mother. We were sitting at the table, and my then 4 year old sister exclaimed “I feel very weird. Something strange is happening!” My mother thought she was having some allergic reaction to something she was eating and was very concerned. When prompted for more information, my sister responded with, “I feel strange. I feel…like…I’m turning into a unicorn!!!”

Seriously? Yes, this absolutely happened. I can’t make this shit up.

So on to the sandwich. When we were little, my grandma would take care of us during the day on summer break. She always made us lunch, and I remember always hating what she made. I mean, I was like 7 or 8 and was picky about foods. And seriously, what kid wants to eat an apple for lunch? And a PBJ? Hell no. My dad introduced me to a concoction I still eat regularly: the peanut butter banana sandwich (also good as nutella and banana). Every day I would help my grandma in the kitchen while she made lunch. I mean, I couldn’t have this old lady messing up my food after all.

My sister got jealous. Why did I get to make special food and she didn’t? She wanted in, so we let her make her own sandwich one day. I’m not even kidding you, this is how it was made:

1. Pull out 2 slices of bread.

2. Slather peanut butter on one slice, jelly on the other.

3. On the peanut butter side, add 5 Oreo cookies, shaped together the way the number 5 appears on dice.

4.On top of the Oreos,  layer on some marshmallow spread.

5. On the jelly side, add a generous portion of goldfish crackers. Don’t be shy. Seriously. Add more.

6. On top of the goldfish, add a few potato chips, but not too many. Maybe some regular Lays, maybe some Nacho Cheese Doritos. It doesn’t matter.

7. Ever so carefully put the 2 sides together. This is going to be a challenge. Goldfish will spill, jelly might drip. Don’t worry about it. You’re 4 and it’s OK to make a mess.

I believe the first time my sister made this our grandmother and I halted our own lunch making and just stared at her. Was this really happening? Yep. When she was done, we asked her, “What in God’s name is that?”

Of course, this masterpiece could only be called one thing. A Unicorn Sandwich.

And without a doubt, my sister consumed the entire thing.

Can I just start by saying that 1. I never wear shoes in my house and 2. There are 12 inches of concrete separating me from my neighbors below. And to top it off, I was sitting on the couch and the boyfriend was sitting at the computer. WTF?

This isn’t our first noise complaint. The same people complained for the same reason a few months ago. Too bad we were out of town that weekend!!!! We actually freaked out that time – did someone break into our apartment and take all our shit? Nope, just a crazy lady downstairs!

So this morning I stopped in the leasing office and asked about last night’s complaint. Is this going in my file? Because I don’t think I did anything wrong.

Turns out the lady below me just is a crotchety crazy lady. The best part: this complaint isn’t going in my file – it’s going in hers!

1. Go back to the gym. I went once last week and 0 times the week or two before that. I blame the World Cup. I mean, I get up early, go to bed late, and of course spend my lunch breaks glued to ESPN3. So when am I supposed to burn all those calories I’m taking in while on the couch watching soccer? I guess after soccer is over!

2. Call my doctor. My gyno thinks I have GI issues, not gyno issues. So back to a different doctor I go!

3. FINISH my spring cleaning. Yeah that nice project I started like 2 months ago? Still not done. On the bright side though all I have left really is my filing cabinet and ALL of J’s stuff. He’s such a packrat. The floor area next to his side of the bed could take all week!

4. Catch up on notes. I kind slacked off last month on entering notes for my unpaid job. I guess it really goes to show that external rewards (like paychecks) are required to do the more mundane aspects of work.

5. Read another book. Ok let’s be honest. I’m not going to read a whole book this week. But starting one of the many I’ve purchased for the summer would make me happy. So let’s list this goal as “read 1 chapter of a book”

6. Go back to the gym. I’ve already listed this, but I have to go more than once this week if I’m going to fit into my “summer” clothes before the end of summer.

That should suffice. Words of encouragement are most definitely appreciated. After all, this is a short week!!!

So I hand the guy at the front desk my tags. He checks the package log, pauses for a second and says, “That’s odd. This package has your apartment number on it, but it’s for the Brooks family.”

What?

So we go to the back and scout it out. Sure enough, there’s a box (well 2 actually) with my apartment number written all over them. These are 2 small, blue boxes, that clearly came in packaging from a company. The company’s logo is all over it. What did I get?

A box of Similac.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Similac, it’s formula. Like the kind infants eat. Did I have a kid a few months ago, order some formula, and suddenly get amnesia about this whole ordeal? I don’t think so?

It gets even stranger. So the second box is addressed to the Brooks family. Who live in a different building than me. But the address has my apartment number on it. And the two boxes have different tracking numbers, so they were clearly shipped separately.

Here’s what happened:

A. As stated above, I had a kid, ordered formula, and forgot. Oops!

B. The Brooks family messed up and put in the wrong apartment #. But that doesn’t explain how the second box had MY name on it.

C. A third party ordered me Similac. Maybe the company sent me samples? I mean, I have been spending a lot of time in Baby Gap – maybe I signed up for some sort of mailing list by accident?

D. Something else?

I have no idea what else could have happened.

This still leaves me 100% confused about the baby formula that came to my house. SO WEIRD!